Does divorce have to be so difficult?

There can be few more stressful things in life than separation or divorce. Both parties may want to act in a civilised way but it’s rare for them to make all the necessary decisions on their own. People contemplating ending their relationship are swamped by major issues that need considering and resolving - children, houses, pets, work, finances. If that weren’t enough, inevitable emotional and psychological layers rumble like volcanoes and can dangerously explode. Not communicating well enough to avoid confrontation, couples have tended to call in lawyers and struggle through the agonisingly drawn-out process.

Even if there’s agreement that the marriage is over, there are tough choices to be made. It’s harder still when one person is ‘wanting out’ and the other, hoping to mend things, is defensive and hurt. Going to lawyers with heightened emotions and pouring out a plethora of issues and questions is confusing and counter-productive. There’s so much to talk, think and be aggrieved about, but it’s an illogical and expensive use of lawyers’ time and expertise. More importantly, it doesn’t give them a clear brief upon which to act.

There is some good news: in Cambridge we now have 40 family lawyers, trained to work collaboratively with clients and to recommend the use of professional family consultants – and I am one of them – to support either or both of the parties. We tease out concerns, absorb emotions, weigh up uncertainties, balance needs, work out what is worth fighting for and when it’s better to compromise, and generally help the decision-making process. That ensures the lawyers have a clear understanding of the next steps and allows them to get on with the legal aspects. Having supported many individuals and couples, I can tell you that this approach works. What’s more, with a bit of luck and hard work we sometimes even find a way of keeping the couple together!

For a complimentary, confidential session to explore areas of concern and experience the benefits of professional coaching for you or your Company, contact Caroline Lloyd-Evans 01223 355148, 07885 187895 caroline@cleconsulting.co.uk www.cleconsulting.co.uk

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